The truth is that I’ve been brainstorming this post for a very long time, because I’ve been on a journey the past few years to build and boost my self confidence. It’s something I realized I was lacking. And it seems like now is the perfect time to post it since I’ll turn 40 (forty!) in just a few days. As I approach this new decade of my life, I’m ready to share what I’ve learned about building more confidence. And believe me when I say that I’m still very much on this journey.
I struggled with self image and self trust in my teens, twenties and even into my early and mid-thirties. I suppose everyone does, to some extent. And although I’ve come a long way, there are still times that I find myself falling back into that mindset of self doubt and questioning myself and my decisions.
The difference now is that I have tools in place to help bring me back to a more confident place. And the most important thing I’ve learned to boost self confidence is that it has NOTHING to do with the way you look, but it has everything to do with the way you feel.
Confidence IS a feeling and it’s internally motivated.
It has nothing to do with what things look like from the outside or with anyone else’s acceptance. I’ve seen plenty of people who are drop dead gorgeous on the outside and they have zero confidence in themselves.
Boosting self confidence is a never ending journey and there will always be opportunities to gain confidence. Even in the sh*tty experiences. Especially in the sh*tty experiences, because those are the opportunities to learn and move into the better, more confident version of yourself.
Here’s what I’ve learned on how to boost self confidence…
1 | Focus on Building Self Trust to Boost Self Confidence.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As I’ve worked to develop trust and rapport with myself over the years, my confidence has grown. You have to start with the self trust, which means no more second guessing yourself. Just like with any relationship, trust has to be built through showing that you’re trustworthy.
2 | Keep Commitments you Make to Yourself.
When you keep the commitments you make to yourself (example: today I will go to yoga class), you’re building more trust and rapport with yourself, you’re showing yourself that you’ll honor the commitments you’ve made. Ed Mylett says that the key to building confidence is keeping the promises you make to yourself. You’re literally building a good reputation with yourself and a solid, trusting relationship.
3 | Push Yourself Out of your Comfort Zone as much as possible.
Your comfort zone is your normal environment or normal routine, the same things you see and do day after day. It’s nice and comfortable there, like a big easy chair and that’s why it’s hard for us to leave it. But growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. It actually happens when you make yourself leave it. You’ll gain confidence every time you do and you’ll be reminded that yes, you CAN do hard things.
4 | Master your Mindset by Becoming more Self Aware to Boost Self Confidence.
Your brain is powerful and you do have the ability to change your thoughts. But the first step in that is becoming more aware of when you’re having a thought that needs to be shifted. You can’t make that shift without the awareness first.
5 | Let Go of Constantly Seeking other People’s Approval and People Pleasing.
You can’t be focused on building your own confidence AND pleasing everyone else because those two things contradict each other. I’ve learned that you’ll never be able to make everyone happy, or to make everyone like you or agree with you, but you sure will kill yourself trying. Constantly seeking approval is soul crushing. Instead, put that focus and energy on building your own confidence and self trust.
6 | Find what Lights you Up to Boost Self Confidence.
Everyone has natural strengths, gifts and inclinations that God gave us. Figure out what lights you up and share it with the world in order to inspire and teach others which I believe is confidence building in itself. And then, be open to what others can teach you.
7 | Stay Focused on Growth.
Because you’re either growing or you’re dying. In order to become the next best version of yourself and feel more confident about it, it’s important to continue to learn (information, lessons, etc), apply what you’ve learned and even fail in order to learn more. I’ve found that being complacent and staying right where you are is not a good way to increase confidence.
8 | Take Good Care of Yourself.
It’s hard to feel confident if your energy is low or you aren’t happy in your skin. Prioritize your physical, mental and emotional well-being by taking good care of yourself in the areas of nutrition, exercise and sleep. Self care produces positive feelings and fosters that trusting relationship you are building with yourself.
I’d love to hear if there’s anything you’d add to this list to boost self confidence! Please share in the comments below…